Netflix

Cancelled cable, left with Netflix. A selection of B movies, healthy dose of mediocre big name actor’s mistakes, and a smattering of retro comedies. Tried to watch Dinner for Schmucks, it was like having your soul sandpapered.  There’s new ones every few days or so, but I think I’d like to try watching all of the movies on Netflix – that would be a feat. Plus they are better while hungover so it would give me an excuse to hit the bottle/town every night, rendering myself laughably incapable of normal activity the following day, thus in perfect condition to watch Marley and Me, Teen Wolf or Billy Connolly’s adventure travel show. I wish you could have checkmarks or gold stars appear after you’ve watched a film, and they could give you a percentage score that you could use to prove clout at events and things; I bet that would be a great way to indicate that you also lead a healthy and open minded lifestyle, full of unlocking many truths about existence, through the eyes of a varied number of perspectives.

Where is his hand in that photo?  It looks like the perfect set-up – place popcorn, glass of red wine in front of female, order in a flick – she’ll be so thrilled after watching What Happens in Vegas that you might get her out of those blue modrobes and thin purple socks and back for a repeat of Love Wrecked, because Amanda Bynes is actually unbearably likeable!  Next it will be Beverly Hills Ninja then Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip, and Netflix has sucked you into the tinseltown parade and single handedly closed down every Blockbuster store.  You’ve been successfully drawn into the ‘Netflix Coffin.’   It is cozy in there: half eaten bags of Sour Patch Kids, experimental brown sugared popcorn, cat naps and coffee-table dinners.  Om Nom.

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